To tell them that I'm not going to be in school next semester. Because let's face it, "Hey mom & dad, I'm taking a break from college!" isn't going to go over well at Thanksgiving dinner. Well, I may be in school, but I won't be at an accredited university. I need a break, I took a semester off, a few years ago and it was nice, but this, this will be more long term. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm 30 and still doing nothing with my life and/or I get to the point where I can't pay back my student loans comfortably, I'll go back. Mostly because I'll have no other choice. The local community college here offers a one-semester EMT certification program. And you know what, I think I'm going to go for it. I can deal with the fucked up shit, I'll see on a daily basis. In fact, I think I'll need it. I'll need something to snap me back into reality. Something to show me that life is very fleeting and that it can't be taken for granted. The entry level pay is 35,000 a year or better. I can live on that. Hell, I can live on that well. I'll have to start paying my own bills, of course, I can't expect my parents to support me financially anymore and I won't. Bryan is disappointed in me, he tried to talk me out of it. But I can't listen. This is the first adult choice I've made in a long time. Ultimately, this is for the sake of my happiness. I've felt like throwing myself in front of a bus for years, because I can't see myself in the future. I have no clear goals, and I'm not doing something that is making me happy. I need to be happy, or at least content, first and foremost. Financially stable coming in a very close second. So I think this is a good opportunity for me. An opprotunity for a fresh start. I need this.

i don't want to sound overly optimistic, but i would like to record the fact that this morning i woke up from a horrendous night's sleep and felt... normal. i mean, i know i still can't hear properly in my right ear, but my head actually feels normal for the first time since i first got sick.

we'll see how things go the rest of the day.

After my last entry, Jas and I went out to Norman for JR's and shopping goodness. I came away with a lot more than I expected. ^^; I got Dragon Quest VIII because it was stupid cheap and in new condition for $10. Hastings also had some awesome trading figures! I have a hard time saying no to these things. I got an Asuka from Petit Eva and Ken from Street Fighter IV. =D But my favorite was finally getting a Halo figure with a Mark V head. I had to buy the Mongoose vehicle to make it happen, but dammit, I finally have a fully faithful figure for my Halo character. I just need to buy ODST so I can play ranked games again, lol. Tried some new things at JR's. Their cream corn is kind of weird in that's it's like a whole kernel corn in sauce, but their tartar sauce is pretty delicious. It reminds me of Melting Pot's Green Goddess, actually.

( This is It, Halloween, Mom's birthday, wrestling, Modern Warfare 2 controversy )

Been cooking up plans with Beeso for an outing, but we'll see how that comes together. I think I have finally have doable costumes for Izumicon planned, so I'm excited about that. I think I'll do an amnesia Light encore at least one of the days; I just don't want to play him out. I'm really excited about the con and looking forward to turning my brain off and just having a good time. I could certainly use the distraction. I'm only nervous just because I want to make sure that it is a good outing. Bummed that I missed both Mary's roller derby game and seeing Krizzy this weekend (-____-), but there will be other times, surely. Going to clean up some more around the house, go to Suncoast with Jas for anime day (to buy a cheap Ninja Scroll, not really cosplay), and go grocery shopping. Pleased with my update schedule and I hope that everyone is doing well. =)

this tuesday marks a one year anniversary i wish we didn't have to mark.

we also have a formation that morning.

i intend to include a moment of silence during said formation. i will make myself a note to that effect and hopefully i will not forget.

those who don't know what anniversary i'm referring to should check my LJ entry from 11 NOV 2008.

A cheer went up from the Democratic side of the House when the bill gained 218 votes, a majority. Moments later, Democrats counted down the final seconds of the voting period in unison, and let loose an even louder roar when Pelosi grabbed the gavel and declared, "the bill is passed."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091108/ap_on_bi_ge/us_health_care_overhaul/print

Highlights as follows:( Read more... )

Overall, the bill envisioned the most sweeping set of changes to the health care system in more than a generation, and Democrats said it marked the culmination of a campaign that Harry Truman began when he sat in the White House 60 years ago

it will be interesting to see what comes of this legislation once it is finally singed into law. from this article, at least, it sounds like a good thing for our country. we'll see, right? time always tells.

I haven't updated this in years.

I was going to take it upon myself to try to vaguely summarize the past 2 years, but I realized that I don't have the patience. So, I'm just going to forget all that stuff and start with now. I'm 22 now. I don't know what to do about college anymore, my grades are terrible, I just can't find anything I'm passionate about and stick with it & these days it's making me lack the motivation to wake up in the morning, much less actually go to class. I'm seriously considering dropping out, it's getting too expensive for me to continue being so indecisive. My parents think I'm a fuck-up. [I am.] I have a sinkhole of a part time job. I just got hired at another sinkhole part time job. I feel like I have nothing. But that's a lie, I have love.

This is Bryan making a ridiculous face. He is tall [over a foot taller then me], handsome [when he's not making ridiculous faces], with fabulously curly hair. He's a supreme video games dork [he talked to me on the phone about Street Fighter for almost an hour on his lunch break yesterday] and a talented self-taught chef. He plays bass and sings back-up vocals in his band, The Uptown Bums. And most of all he loves me. He says he knew that he could love me the first time he saw me.

The feeling is mutual.

Other then Bryan, I have nothing.

I'm 22 and have nothing to show for it.

there are a few articles worth reading that i have found. the rare few that don't succomb to endless, meaningless speculation. gotta hand it to a few good journalists out there who are doing the right thing. here's what i've found:

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2009/11/civilian_police_officer_ended.html ~ a good, comprehensive update

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091106/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_fort_hood_shooting_suspect_34 ~ another update specifically about the search of suspect's home and more on him from several sources

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/05/reactions.fort.hood.shootings/index.html?section=cnn_latest ~ a number of political leaders and organizations express their emotions and urge everyone to be patient as facts are brought to light

http://www.army.mil/-news/2009/11/06/29930-mchugh-others-express-sadness-over-fort-hood-tragedy/ ~ the CJCS, DA and DoD Secretaries, and the Vice President all express their emotions and commitment to the individuals/families involved

http://abcnews.go.com/print?id=9014951 ~ status update on the officer that Ft Hood's CG has crediting with putting a stop to the rampage yesterday

incidentally this will be the last post i make about the fort hood shootings. it has come to my attention that at least one Soldier-blogger who wrote about the tragedy has already been contacted by the media for comments. if you're trolling my blog hoping to catch a sound bite, forget it. you need to talk to Fort Hood PAO, not me or any other Soldier with a blog. please don't make things worse by seeking out the wrong sources while people are still in shock.

and just for the recond, i now have it from FOUR separate sources that nobody in my company's rear detachment was directly involved in yesterday's events. hopefully that will help a lot of us sleep well tonight.

Cogito Ergo Sum (A Post-Apocolyptic Children's Tale)
By Coleman D. Younger

 “Tell me Servo… has my father gone to bed yet, or is he still working in the basement?” The young girl’s voice pierced the silence with a sudden jolt, causing the labour android to drop the laundry it had been methodically folding for so many uninterrupted hours.

                “Eve, you startled me. Yes he is still hard at work downstairs,” said the android with its usual warm tone. The calming voice always struck Eve as strangely out of place coming from its featureless plastic face. “Is your movie over already?” It knelt down and began delicately gathering the scattered clothes in its robotic arms.

                “I’ve seen it before,” Eve said, leaning against the lead wall with her spindly arms crossed. “I’ve seen all of those movies before.” She paused a moment to kick at the floor, “And to tell you the truth Servo, I’m not sure I ever want to watch another one again.” She sighed. “Every time I watch them I just wish more and more that I hadn’t been born underground in this stupid military base. It gets worse every time. They make me wish I had someone else to talk to besides you and my father, and he never seems to come upstairs for anything anymore.” She hesitated, before raising an eyebrow and adding in a sly voice, “And I didn’t startle you, I triggered a pre-programmed response.”

 

( Read more... )

my ear has improved just a tiny bit, i think. hopefully we've finally figured out how to clear most of the problem up. and given time - supposedly - the hole in my eardrum might just heal itself.

the good thing that started my day was the 9mm pistol range. i scored a 34 out of 40. not too shabby, if i do say so myself. especially considering this is exactly my second time qualifying with the 9mm pistol; my third time ever on a pistol range of any sort.

new meds start tomorrow morning. i'll keep you posted. cross your fingers (again).